Updated: May 19
Today we are discussing How narcissistic and psychopathic parents use isolation and the abuse of relationships to harm scapegoats.
This blog is for educational and awareness purposes only. The terms narcissist, sociopath, and psychopath are used as descriptors to identify toxic and harmful personality traits. The said terms are not intended to diagnose anyone with any disorder.
Isolation is essential in abuse for abusers to have complete control. When you are the scapegoat, there is no one else on your side, you are not believed, and you are viewed as a “trouble maker.” You don’t have anyone to lean on. You don’t have support and it’s harder for you to be able to get out of this toxic environment and to be heard.
When narcissistic and psychopathic parents try to keep you isolated, you often will push as hard as you can to have social connections secretively. However, this can only last so long as narcissists and psychopathic parents seem to always know what you’re doing before you’re doing it. In the search for connection, we often end up finding another version of the toxic parent as our toxic parent is the only normal we have ever had. The toxicity is our familiarity.
During this time, the narcissistic or psychopathic parent will almost always tell you some version of, “those people are horrible. You can't even pick good friends. That's why you shouldn't have any.” Which is very funny coming from them, right?
Or they will allow you to see betrayal that you would never accept from anyone except a parent because that parent has taught you that it’s normal to be treated horribly by family members when it is not. The narcissistic or psychopathic parent may allow the friendship to hurt you just so they can say, “I told you this would happen.” To rub some salt into your wounds and argue that this is why it’s better to stay with family.
Why do they say this?
Because they can't risk losing their source of supply to someone else who is just as parasitic and life-shattering as they are. They need your complete compliance, your obedience, and your complete blind loyalty. They love control and power trips. That is what they live for.
Narcissistic and psychopathic parents will look for any fault in any relationship you may have to later ask you how the relationship is going - whether it is a friendship or romantic relationship. The parent will pick and pry to try to find any fault in the other person to manipulate you into believing that this potentially good and healthy connection is very flawed and toxic and that you deserve better, when in fact narcissists and psychopaths never think anyone is better than themselves. No one is allowed to build up your self-esteem, your self worth, your confidence, or give you any ounce of hope that there is a better life out there for you.
The Ultimate Betrayal.
There is also the ultimate betrayal from the narcissistic or psychopathic parent where they will actually befriend your friend or partner and have them team up against you to make sure that you believe that you are always at fault and “how dare” you ever talk badly about the parent.
The parent will have everyone convinced that you are the problem and you are so unappreciative of everything that is done for you. This is done as a confirmation that the scapegoat is really at fault; another person outside of the family can see how the scapegoat “is”. (Which is the parent’s distorted view of the scapegoat. It is filled with smear campaigns and lies). The narcissistic or psychopathic parent wants to make sure that you are going to forever be filled with low self-esteem, self-worth, and to forever be the scapegoat who does everything for them.
The worst part about this type of psychopathic or narcissistic parent is the fact that many of these toxic parents will befriend the partner or friend even when the relationship ends between both of you. When this happens, the parent typically continues that relationship in front of you and they act like the ex-friend or ex-partner is their child instead of you. That relationship is used as the narcissistic or psychopathic parent’s ultimate weapon to shatter you. The past wounds of that relationship can’t heal when it’s constantly brought up and the narcissistic or psychopathic parent knows this. They want you to be very triggered and reactive, which gives the narcissist or psychopath supply to feed off of.
The goal in this situation is to isolate you, keep you in pain, and keep you reactive.
Please know that none of this is normal. It is not okay.
If you’re experiencing this situation currently or have in the past, you know how painful and soul-shattering it feels, but I want you to know that you’re not alone in this.