The Lost Child: 5 Ways to Heal the Invisible Wounds

The Invisible Wounds a lost child has to face not only in childhood but also in adulthood are not frequently discussed, so today we are talking about 5 ways lost children can begin to heal. 

1. One of the most helpful ways to heal from family dysfunction as the lost child is to recognize the harmful self-talk that often ruminates from the abuse.  this can also be called self-gaslighting. When you're the lost child, you were neglected, and you weren't cared for, or allowed to feel safe. 

As the lost child becomes aware of their position in the family, they begin to take in what their siblings or parents have said to them or all the things that weren't said. No words are needed for the lost child to ruminate or feel terrible in their minds. The lack of nurturing and the obvious favoritism of the Golden Child make the lost child feel like they aren't worthy, that they don't belong in this family, something must be wrong with them, and other harmful phrases. 

Recognizing this negative thought pattern can help aid recovery because once you become self-aware of these thoughts, you can begin to question them. Many of us just allow these thoughts to run through our minds and we feel terrible, but when we learn to take control of these ruminating thoughts, we can begin to decode the truth from the lies we have been fed or begin to feed ourselves from the neglect. 

How do we start that? 

We can start to combat the ruminating thoughts of harmful self-talk with catching ourselves with the negative patterns. When this pops up, write it down if possible or try to remember later on when you have a chance to journal so we can pick Up on the negative patterns and realize what you have to work on. Then depending on what the pattern is and what it contains, is where we offer ourselves self-compassion and be gentle with ourselves by not beating ourselves up when we are going through the healing process. 

Healing is not easy and it's not pretty. It's ugly, it's hard, and we often feel alone. You're not alone, so many people go through these thoughts every day. Many just don't show it or don't talk about it. 

2. Accepting what has happened in your life with having the role of the lost child is also important. You did not choose this role. It was forced on you. It was wrong and there is no justification for a parent to neglect or abuse their child in any way shape or form. You didn't deserve it and acknowledging the fact can help with the chronic guilt many lost children feel for not feeling like they were enough or that they struggled to please their family members but always fell short of the golden child no matter what. 

3. Focusing on your inner child and being the adult, your past lost child rolled self needed will not only help you grieve the childhood you didn't have, but it will also bring joy. To work on some inner child healing, it's essential to be patient and kind to yourself. Let yourself think back to things you liked when you were a kid and things you never got to do or have. It's very healing to let yourself be unapologetically you and discover everything that brings you joy. This varies from person to person, but there's no wrong way to do this. Being there for yourself, allowing yourself to explore interests, buying the toy you never got to have but desperately wanted or the toy that was taken from you, or watching the movies or shows you loved or never got to see. 

4. Allow yourself to feel. Lost children often shut off their emotions and isolate because that is what they were always used to. Anger and sadness don't have to be viewed as negative. It's healthy to allow yourself to feel all emotions when you are in a place where you feel comfortable. 

5. Get support. The isolation a lost child goes through is intense and it often makes adult lost children feel like no one will understand them or would even bother working on traumatic events and experiences with them, but joining support groups with other like-minded survivors can really help. When you find a community that understands you, it can make a lot of difference for your recovery. Don't ever feel like you're a bother asking for help or that you don't need help because you've always been on your own. Finding a professional who understands can also be essential for healing whether it is a coach or a therapist that specializes in recovery from abuse and is trauma-informed.